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There is no doubt about it that the dating world can be hard and a difficult territory to navigate. This is especially true when we are in our late teens to twenties. With the age of dating apps and non-committal arrangements, the lines get blurred and sometimes it feels like it is impossible to know where we stand with someone. They say that women are the more complicated gender, but there are many men out there that can be just as hard to read. It is easy to get caught in the trap of him wanting something more casual and the girl wanting something more serious. In order to not hurt your feelings, sometimes they drop hints to us hoping that we will quickly pick on them.
If a guy doesn"t want to be direct with you, there will be a code talk that he will give you that is subtle. Sometimes it is so subtle to the point where we don"t pick up the message altogether. Not to worry. We have made an extensive list of prime examples of what guys say to you versus what they are really trying to say to you. Don"t get too offended or shocked, for the truth will set you free. In fact, you may even want to consider ditching him after knowing what his real intentions are.
Here are the 22 segments of bro code for what he says vs. what he really means.
22 He Says: "My Ex Was Crazy." vs. He Means: "My Ex Was Sane Until I Made Her Crazy."
It is actually a mellow form of misogyny when men as a collective label women as "crazy" just because they are acting in a way that they don"t like. In fact, it is a form of gas-lighting when your man does disrespectful and inconsiderate things and then labels you a "psycho" when you get upset over it. If a guy tells you that his ex is crazy, psycho, etc. and doesn"t really give the reason as to what really provoked her, chances are that he did something to provoke her. Of course, there are two sides to every story, and she may have overreacted. Always remember that all relationships go in two-way streets. Unless he follows up the statement of "my ex was crazy" with a "but to be fair, I did X, Y, or Z" then take this with a grain of salt.
21 He Says: "I Love You." vs. He Means: "Wow, I Did It. I"m Crazy About You And Don"t Want To See Anyone Else."
It is the hardest thing in the world for a guy to come out and admit how he is really feeling. Society tells boys that they need to "suck it up" or "be a man" and not show any vulnerability. This is especially true when it comes to dealing with women. For a guy to tell you that he loves you is an incredible stepping stone for him especially if he had other options before you. In today"s modern dating world, it is easy for people to believe that there is a better choice just right around the corner. Just make sure that he actually means it when he says that he loves you. Guy code could say that he loves you but it could just be another form of emotional manipulation. Remember to pay attention to the actions that say that he loves you rather than just his words.
20 He Says: "I Like You." vs. He Means: "I Want To Spend Time With You, But I Don"t Commit To Anything Long-Term."
If a guy says that he likes you early on, all that really says is that he likes to be around you and enjoys the energy that you bring to the table. The same could be said about the way he sees his friends or family members that are close to him. This could be a stepping stone to love, but that is never a guarantee. If he has to say "I like you" over and over, that means that he wants to keep you around but he still hasn"t really made up his mind about you yet. The real non-committal types will tell you "I like you" for years just to string you along thinking "he likes me, so that means he will tell me that he loves me eventually." Think again. Take this phrase in the beginning as flattery but later down the road, take it with a grain of salt.
19 He Says: "I Don"t Want A Relationship." vs. He Means: "I Don"t Want A Relationship With You."
Never ignore this blatant statement. Repeat: Never ignore this blatant statement. Any guy who tells you that he isn"t looking for a relationship is truly not looking for a relationship. Specifically, he is telling you that he will never get serious or monogamous with you. Don"t take this as him trying to build up a wall just to see who will tear it down. Girls tend to do this when they say that they aren"t looking for a relationship, but these are not girls we are talking about. Men are literal creatures and tend to mean what they say. Guys who "aren"t looking for a relationship" just want something casual and physical. Furthermore, they are also looking to keep their options open and score with other girls. Believe him wholeheartedly when he says this to you.
18 He Says: "How Are You Still Single?" vs. He Means: "Is There Something Wrong With You That I Need To Know About?"
At first, this question seems flattering. You are thinking, "Wow, he must think I"m beautiful, intelligent and the whole package. Therefore, he is asking me this because he is so shocked that I am still single." This might be half the truth, but really is just looking to gauge some more information about you. He wants to know if there are any red flags or "crazy" (see the "crazy ex-girlfriend" entry above) traits about you that he should be aware of. This is especially true if he follows up this question with the next question, "what has been your longest relationship?" Questions like these are him testing you to see if you are true girlfriend material. He wants to know about your past behavior so that he can see what he is really getting himself into.
17 He Says: "You"re Overreacting/Being Overly Dramatic." vs. He Means: "I"m Actually The Crazy One But I Want You To Think You"re The Crazy One."
Statements like these after he has clearly done something to make you upset are a classic form of gas lighting. Gaslighting is when someone does something on purpose to get a reaction out of you and then turns it around on you as the crazy one when you give them a reaction. If a guy does something like hit on another girl in front of you or anything else that is disrespectful and then tells you that you are "dramatic" or "crazy" for getting angry with him, then get rid of him stat. Run from these types and avoid them as if they were the plague. Guy code will have a way demonizing women and accuse them of being the way they are acting. You simply do not need this in your life.
16 He Says: "I"m Sorry." vs. He Means: "I Don"t Regret Whatever Made You Mad But You"re Upset So I Feel Like I Should Apologize."
There are genuine apologies and then there are fake apologies. An "I"m sorry" could mean that this is guy code for saying "sorry, not sorry" or it could really just mean that he is sorry. Assuming that it"s the latter, what he is saying is that "I"m sorry that you got mad but I"m not really sorry for what I did." Sometimes guys will just apologize just to get you to shut up and then revert to their old ways once the waters have settled. This is another classic scenario where you have to watch his actions and not his words. If he really is contrite, he will alter certain behaviors to make the relationship work. If he doesn"t, then he was just saying "I"m sorry" as a way to get you off of his back.
15 He Says: "You Deserve Better Than Me." vs. He Means: "I Will Never Give You What You Need In This Relationship."
When a guy says this to you, that is him trying to get you to dump him. He is being self-deprecating by trying to imply you that he isn"t good enough for you. In reality, he just doesn"t want to do the work in forming a real relationship with you. He knows that his behavior is less than what a girl really deserves in a relationship and he has no desire to up the bar and be a good boyfriend. Some girls will take this as flattery and interpret it as "I think that you are above my league"...don"t be one of those hopeless romantics. That is far from what he is really saying. If he says that you deserve better than him, then he does not see you as a priority.
14 He Says: "I"ve Been Really Busy/Swamped With Work Lately." vs. He Means: "I"ve Really Just Lost Interest In You."
Saying that he is too busy for you just means that he is unwilling to make the time for you. No matter how busy a guy is, he will always make time for his girl if she is someone that he really cares about. If you are seen as something casual or unimportant, then he will just prioritize other things ahead of you. This statement is guy code for saying that "you just aren"t that terribly important to me" a la Patrick Bateman from American Psycho. If he says that he is too busy with work or school but then you see him check into a bar or do some leisure activity without you on social media, then this statement is just flat out lie rather than a stretched out truth. He is too busy for you, but he isn"t too busy for happy hour.
13 He Says: "That"s Not What I Meant." vs. He Means: "You Took That Way Worse Than I Thought So Now I Have To Backtrack."
If he tries to speak to you in guy code and then you translate it to something that he was really trying to say, this response is him trying to backtrack. When you give him the brutal truth version as to what he told you, he won"t want to come off as being the insensitive A-hole. So instead, he says "that"s not what I meant" as a way to misconstrue the whole point or to just soften the blow to spare your feelings. Guys aren"t always the most articulate when it comes to communicating their thoughts and feelings so sometimes you have to read between the lines. In any case, take this guy code statement as a lie or at least a slight lie when he says "that"s not what I meant." It usually means that he was trying to convey a truth to you but did it in a harsher way than anticipated.
12 He Says: "It"s Not You, It"s Me." vs. He Means: "It"s You, I"m Just Trying To Soften The Blow."
Whether a guy or a girl says "it"s not you, it"s me", that is the biggest line of BS when it comes to breaking up. Of course it"s you, otherwise, he would still be wanting to date you. There was a characteristic about you that he didn"t like or that didn"t add up to what he was looking for. So rather than flat out tell you what it was that makes him want out of the relationship, it is easier just to put it on himself. He might even say something more like "I just don"t want a relationship right now" (see about entry) or "It"s just not a good time in my life to have a girlfriend right now." If you are really feeling brave, call him out on his BS and ask him the real reason why he is breaking up with you. If you are willing to do that, then prepare for some news that you don"t want to hear.
11 He Says: "Can We Still Be Friends?" vs. He Means: "Can We Still Hook Up?"
A guy might say this as he is breaking up with you or after you have broken up with him. Despite what anyone tells you, there is no such thing as "still being friends" after getting intimately involved. Whether it was a real relationship or a hookup, the brain chemicals that you feel towards that person change after you take it to the next level. Guys can compartmentalize their feelings and be willing to just "be friends" with an ex because they want their physical needs met. Hooking up with an ex can be comforting because you guy are already familiar with each other and it"s easier than trying their luck with someone new. He could even be taking advantage of you by having his needs met but not yours. Don"t give him the benefit of that type of "friendship" and just cut him off and give yourself a clean break.
10 He Says: "We Need To Take A Break/I Need Some Space." vs. He Means: "I Want To Break Up With You I Just Would Rather Put It Off."
When a guy tells you that "he needs space" or "he needs a break" after you have given him plenty of time to himself, he has officially checked out of the relationship. This means that he wants to spend less time with you and more time either by himself, with his bros or with other girls. The only exception to this is if you are really being clingy and all up in his space. If you see that he is preoccupied with priorities like work or school and you are not respecting that, then him saying that he needs space is validated. The exception only applies if he says "I need space" or "You need to give me more time to care of (insert what he needs to do here)." If he tells you that he "needs a break" then that is him trying to break up with you temporarily so he can play the field. This one will depend on your level of independence. If you have been respecting his space and he tells you he needs even more, then just break up with him.
9 He Says:...Nothing For Over a Week vs. He Means: He"s Not Into You Anymore But Doesn"t Want To Be Straight Up About It
This is a classic case of ghosting. He was all interested in you before by texting you every day, making plans and going on frequent dates. Now all of the sudden it has come to a screeching halt and you are left wondering what the eff happened? For one reason or another, he just lost interest. In reality, it probably happened while he was dating you. He gradually saw reasons why you were starting to become not worth his time and then he made the decision to ghost you. This is the most horrendous way to dump someone but unfortunately, this is what the age of dating apps has brought us. He doesn"t want to deal with the confrontation of breaking up with you so he is just going to go MIA.
Some guys who ghost you might contact you sporadically for an occasional hookup, but these types are even more repulsive than ghosters. Cut them off like the leeches that they are.
8 He Says: "We Should Go Get A Coffee Sometime." vs. He Means: "I Don"t Want To Commit To A Whole Meal With You But I Want To Show You That I"m Interested."
If a guy asks you out to coffee, this is the pre-screening process to see if you are even first date material. Don"t count the coffee date as an actual first date but as an audition to a first date. Don"t be offended if he asks you this because these are actually good opportunities. For coffee dates, you can actually have a real conversation and get to know the guy. At bars or clubs, you will always be bombarded by noise and plus you don"t know if he just looking to hook up that night. After a coffee date, wait until he asks you out to dinner or something better. If he does, then this is guy code for "you have passed the coffee test." Just remember that a guy asking you out to coffee means something casual but could be a stepping stone.
7 He Says: "I Like A Girl Who Doesn"t Wear Any Makeup." vs. He Means: "I Have No Idea What I"m Talking About But Just Don"t Go Crazy With The Makeup."
Guys have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to makeup. Sure, it is sweet and romantic when you roll out of bed in the morning and he tells you that you look beautiful with no makeup. If you are the type that goes for the "no makeup" makeup look, then you have to laugh when he tells you that not knowing that you actually are indeed wearing makeup. If you are one of those girls who live for makeup tutorials on YouTube, then maybe he isn"t a fan of you doing the overly dramatic makeup. That or he sees other girls going crazy with the makeup and he does not want you to do the same. Long story short: guys don"t find it attractive when you go overboard with the makeup.
6 He Says: "How Do You Know That Guy?" vs. He Means: "Have You Hooked Up With That Guy?"
Sometimes the inevitable happens. We bump into an ex or a guy that we used to hook up with when we are out and about with our new boyfriend. If you are polite, you will introduce the two and if they are gentlemen, they will shake hands. It is natural for him to wonder what type of history that you have with him. If it is just a platonic friend, he will still wonder what went down in the past. Guy code says that no guy can "just be friends" with a girl. Many guys just assume that if a girl has guy friends, that must mean that they all want to hook up with her. Whether or not that is actually the truth is really just beside the point. He will also ask this question if he sees some frequent Facebook activity between you and some other dude.
5 He Says: "You Look Amazing In That Dress." vs. He Means: "Can We Please Leave Now?"
If you are one of those types that take forever to get ready, then prepare for this statement as a cue to hurry up. Guys hate it when girls take too long to get ready. Most will understand that us girls just take longer to primp than they do, but if it gets to be more than two hours for a casual date night then he will get annoyed. Girls who always take consistently too long to get ready and are late because of it are looked at as high maintenance and uncaring of other people"s time. Some guys will have a higher tolerance than others and those who don"t are probably attracted to tomboys. Some guys are into the idea of girls wearing no makeup and just throwing something on...who knew?
4 He Says: "I Like Chilling At My Place." vs He Means: "I"m Only Interested In Seeing You At Night Or Behind Closed Doors."
If a guy says that he prefers to "chill at his place" then watch closely to the way he socializes when you are not around. If you see on Facebook that he is out and about with his friends and then never invites you, that is a huge red flag. The exception to this is if he truly does love to live the hermit lifestyle and really just doesn"t like to go out. If that is the case, then this is your dream guy if you yourself don"t like to go out much. Assuming that is not the case, then this dude sees you as strictly a "Netflix and chill" type of girl and nothing more. In other words, he just wants to hook up with you and can"t be bothered in bringing you out to meet any of his friends. If he can"t even do this, then rest assured that you will never meet any members of his family.
3 He Says: "I Don"t Think You Should Wear That Out." vs. He Means: "You Look Amazing But I"m Afraid Other Guys Will Notice You Too."
So you are getting all dolled up and looking sultry AF and then boom. Your boyfriend chimes in and tells you that he doesn"t want you wearing that out. He is dead scared that other guys are going to check you out and hit on you. Unless what you are wearing is really trashy, then this spells huge insecurity issues on his end. If he is trying to tell you to change your outfit because it is "too revealing" then this is a prime example of controlling behavior. Guys who are this insecure can be dangerous and can make your relationship toxic. This is because he will have you feeling like you are doing something wrong just for wanting to have a girl"s night out.
2 He Says: "We Should Hang Out (Or Kick It) Sometime" vs. He Means: "I Like You, But Not Enough To Make Actual Plans With You."
So when he says "we should hang out sometime" and doesn"t give a clear time as to when and where, then he is leaving the ball in your court. This is his filter: he wants you to come to him. He wants you to take the initiative and ask him to hang out with you. Although this is 2018 and it is accepted that girls are allowed to ask guys out, this vague statement screams ambivalence. This is guy code for "I"m not even going to ask you out on a date, but I want you to come over and hook up with me." This is especially true if he says the above entry of "I love chilling at my place" after he implies that you should hang out and you take the bait. Don"t fall for this one.
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1 He Says: "How Do I Look?" vs. He Means: "I Need To Make Sure You Find Me Attractive."
This statement of guy code is just adorable. Not unlike girls, sometimes guys like to get dolled up and be told how handsome and dapper they look. This is especially true if they are at a black tie event and they have people there that they need to impress. Secretly, guys sometimes need to primp in the mirror to make sure that they look their best every once in a while. This is where they need some ego stroking and a compliment or two will go a long way. Tell them that their hair looks perfect and that you can"t wait to get them home after the event for...well, you know what. Even men need to get in touch with their feminine side and look pretty, there"s nothing wrong with that.